mental health & constant burnout

I wouldn’t call myself smart, but I do take pride in being disciplined. For the majority of my high school experience, I was pretty up-tight with school, mainly because my aim was medicine for college. Now, however, things are a bit different. The semester was one of the hardest I’ve endured, not only because of the added pressure of school online, but because I struggled with my mental health—and refused to seek help.

I guess I’m writing this to help someone out there if they are struggling with becoming aware of their mental health. Overall, I believe reading this will be beneficial, even if it is not currently.

Added to the tons of homework, projects due, hours and hours spent in front of a screen and staying in one place for days on end, I used to believe my student ‘worth’—if there even is such thing—was to be defined by the amount of tasks I checked out of my bullet journal at the end of the day. I went through a period where I felt the need to review everything every day, not to get caught up but because I was anxious I’d forget something twenty years from now (which is and will be totally normal, to forget, I mean).

To top it all off, I was feeling sad and constantly denying my feelings, struggling to sleep and sleeping late all day to compensate, feeling like I was wasting my day and submerging myself in a constant loop of misery. And I believe I am not the only one.

Recently, I have felt anxiety in different ways I hadn’t experienced—or even thought of possible—two months from now. It has been a constant struggle to me to even wake up some days, but having someone to count on helps a lot. Even if you leave your room to talk to your sibling or set up a date with your significant other to get your mind off things, it does wonders.

Whenever I get urges to review things until I drive myself insane, I like to think I do it because I feel so out of control, specially with the pandemic happening. And that’s totally okay, too. I’ve been trying to do smaller things to overcompensate, like playing guitar. I know, I know, I haven’t even started yet, but I’ve always wanted to learn and I feel like taking up a hobby is the right thing to do. It’ll help me get moving and memorize things I actually don’t already know, plus, it’ll make me happy in the long run.

Another big one is working out. I’ve tried to do it more constantly these past weeks and it helps my mood. Blasting music while at it helps me focus and overall just improve my perspective of the day ahead, never feeling forced to do it.

Obviously, added to my mental health, I also have symptoms of burnout. Traditionally because we’re just wrapping up the semester. I’m making an effort to take a break once the classes are truly through just so I can recharge and see life outside of a screen for the majority of the day.

Perhaps in future posts, I will discuss more deeply what heightens my anxiety, the little ticks I feel when it comes, and how it typically feels.

Overall, this might be a wake-up call to reconsider your daily habits to see if you’re pushing yourself too hard. If so, it is perfectly human to take a break and learn to be kinder with yourself and the circumstances.

Hang in there. It’ll get better.

Profuse greetings, mel.